Corrections to Final Report
Attached is the most recent version I received. Previous changes to Recommendation 7 (page 46) and the entire Section 13 (pages 63-69) were accepted and my changes then added. The changes are: - Rec 7 now has to somewhat unrelated sections, so I applied numbering to the paragraphs. - Changing capitalization in Rec 7 and omitting an extraneous word. - The body of Section 13 still referred specifically to the PDP even though the recommendations were now more generalized. I changed the added a sentence to the lead paragraph of Section 13 to address this. - Bullets were missing to the summary of original community input. - Adding a missing S in 10.1-b I have NOT made the corresponding changes to the Executive Summary. Two changes throughout the document that I have NOT made but highly recommend: - We interchangeably use "public comment" and "Public Comment". I suggest the latter. - The section title "Public Comment on Draft Recommendations" has had the "Draft" deleted, presumably because we are no longer including the text of the draft Recs. This results in some confusion as to whether these comments are in fact to the Recs that follow. I suggest we re-instate the word Draft, and perhaps and a line just under the title pointing to where the draft report can be found. Alan
Thanks Alan for the follow up. I worry that leaving the word "Draft" in the report can cause confusion for the reader about where the Draft report "ends" and where the Final Recommendations and Report begin, not to mention questions about the relationship between the Draft and the Final. The entire document has been reviewed and edited so it really is in a "Final" state. I recommend that the word "Draft" be removed and that the Report be issued as a Final Report. Best, Brian Sent from my iPhone
On Dec 22, 2013, at 2:44 PM, Alan Greenberg <alan.greenberg@mcgill.ca> wrote:
Attached is the most recent version I received. Previous changes to Recommendation 7 (page 46) and the entire Section 13 (pages 63-69) were accepted and my changes then added.
The changes are:
- Rec 7 now has to somewhat unrelated sections, so I applied numbering to the paragraphs.
- Changing capitalization in Rec 7 and omitting an extraneous word.
- The body of Section 13 still referred specifically to the PDP even though the recommendations were now more generalized. I changed the added a sentence to the lead paragraph of Section 13 to address this.
- Bullets were missing to the summary of original community input.
- Adding a missing S in 10.1-b
I have NOT made the corresponding changes to the Executive Summary.
Two changes throughout the document that I have NOT made but highly recommend:
- We interchangeably use "public comment" and "Public Comment". I suggest the latter.
- The section title "Public Comment on Draft Recommendations" has had the "Draft" deleted, presumably because we are no longer including the text of the draft Recs. This results in some confusion as to whether these comments are in fact to the Recs that follow. I suggest we re-instate the word Draft, and perhaps and a line just under the title pointing to where the draft report can be found.
Alan <ATRT2 Final Report - Draft #2-AG.docx> _______________________________________________ atrt2 mailing list atrt2@icann.org https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2
Brian, I can live with the heading as it is, but to be clear, I was not suggesting that this was a draft report, but rather pointing out that the section heading I was referring to was preceding comments that were made to the draft report. Keeping the word Draft there makes the title reflect what follows (and I suggested a pointer to where to find the draft Recs if someone really cared(. Alan At 22/12/2013 03:53 PM, Brian Cute wrote:
Thanks Alan for the follow up. I worry that leaving the word "Draft" in the report can cause confusion for the reader about where the Draft report "ends" and where the Final Recommendations and Report begin, not to mention questions about the relationship between the Draft and the Final. The entire document has been reviewed and edited so it really is in a "Final" state. I recommend that the word "Draft" be removed and that the Report be issued as a Final Report.
Best, Brian
Sent from my iPhone
On Dec 22, 2013, at 2:44 PM, Alan Greenberg <alan.greenberg@mcgill.ca> wrote:
Attached is the most recent version I received. Previous changes to Recommendation 7 (page 46) and the entire Section 13 (pages 63-69) were accepted and my changes then added.
The changes are:
- Rec 7 now has to somewhat unrelated sections, so I applied numbering to the paragraphs.
- Changing capitalization in Rec 7 and omitting an extraneous word.
- The body of Section 13 still referred specifically to the PDP even though the recommendations were now more generalized. I changed the added a sentence to the lead paragraph of Section 13 to address this.
- Bullets were missing to the summary of original community input.
- Adding a missing S in 10.1-b
I have NOT made the corresponding changes to the Executive Summary.
Two changes throughout the document that I have NOT made but highly recommend:
- We interchangeably use "public comment" and "Public Comment". I suggest the latter.
- The section title "Public Comment on Draft Recommendations" has had the "Draft" deleted, presumably because we are no longer including the text of the draft Recs. This results in some confusion as to whether these comments are in fact to the Recs that follow. I suggest we re-instate the word Draft, and perhaps and a line just under the title pointing to where the draft report can be found.
Alan <ATRT2 Final Report - Draft #2-AG.docx> _______________________________________________ atrt2 mailing list atrt2@icann.org https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2
Thank you Alan. On 12/22/13 2:44 PM, "Alan Greenberg" <alan.greenberg@mcgill.ca> wrote:
Attached is the most recent version I received. Previous changes to Recommendation 7 (page 46) and the entire Section 13 (pages 63-69) were accepted and my changes then added.
The changes are:
- Rec 7 now has to somewhat unrelated sections, so I applied numbering to the paragraphs.
- Changing capitalization in Rec 7 and omitting an extraneous word.
- The body of Section 13 still referred specifically to the PDP even though the recommendations were now more generalized. I changed the added a sentence to the lead paragraph of Section 13 to address this.
- Bullets were missing to the summary of original community input.
- Adding a missing S in 10.1-b
I have NOT made the corresponding changes to the Executive Summary.
Two changes throughout the document that I have NOT made but highly recommend:
- We interchangeably use "public comment" and "Public Comment". I suggest the latter.
- The section title "Public Comment on Draft Recommendations" has had the "Draft" deleted, presumably because we are no longer including the text of the draft Recs. This results in some confusion as to whether these comments are in fact to the Recs that follow. I suggest we re-instate the word Draft, and perhaps and a line just under the title pointing to where the draft report can be found.
Alan_______________________________________________ atrt2 mailing list atrt2@icann.org https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2
participants (3)
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Alan Greenberg -
Brian Cute -
Brian Cute