Hi Judith,

Thanks very much for your input. If you don’t mind, perhaps it makes sense, in addition to incorporating your suggestions below, to break this into multiple sentences to make it easier to read. How about:

• The four options presented as possible mechanisms to allocate auction proceeds funds, which are described in section 4.1., Although tThe CCWG initially considered four possible mechanisms that could be used to implement the disbursement of new gTLD Auction Proceeds, all of and which are all probably viable, a. After analyzing these potential frameworks, and in light of legal and fiduciary constraints and other criteria identified by the CCWG and outlined in the report, the CCWG agreed to focus its responses to the charter questions on two of the mechanisms that is considers most promising to meet the constraints as well as criteria identified.

Please see a redline with this suggested edit attached.

Kind regards,

Emily

From: Ccwg-auctionproceeds <ccwg-auctionproceeds-bounces@icann.org> on behalf of Judith Hellerstein <judith@jhellerstein.com>
Organization: Hellerstein & Associates
Reply-To: "judith@jhellerstein.com" <judith@jhellerstein.com>
Date: Wednesday, 3 October 2018 at 17:39
To: "ccwg-auctionproceeds@icann.org" <ccwg-auctionproceeds@icann.org>
Subject: Re: [Ccwg-auctionproceeds] For your review - Initial Report - public comment announcement

HI Emily,

Thanks for sending this public comment announcement.  I think we should clarify the following sentence.  I think we should take out the word "Although" The implication of what we are trying to say comes clear with the sentence so as to make that word unnecessary. I think the word although makes the sentence less clear.  Also I would add in the word **and**

•    The four options presented as possible mechanisms to allocate auction proceeds funds, which are described in section 4.1,  Although the CCWG initially considered four possible mechanisms that could be used to implement the disbursement of new gTLD Auction Proceeds, and which are all probably viable, after analyzing these potential frameworks**, and** in light of legal and fiduciary constraints and other criteria identified by the CCWG and outlined in the report, the CCWG agreed to focus its responses to the charter questions on two of the mechanisms that is considers most promising to meet the constraints as well as criteria identified.

Otherwise I think the wording is clear.

Thanks for allowing us to make comments on this draft.

Best,

Judith

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Hellerstein & Associates
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Opening Telecom & Technology Opportunities Worldwide
 

On 10/3/2018 3:51 AM, Emily Barabas wrote:

Dear all,

Please find attached draft text for the new gTLD Auction Proceeds CCWG Initial Report public comment announcement page. You can view samples of the way this text appears by clicking into any of the public comment pages available here: https://www.icann.org/public-comments [icann.org]. If you have any concerns about the attached text, please raise them on the mailing list by end of day tomorrow (4 October 2018).  

Kind regards,

Emily

Emily Barabas | Policy Manager

ICANN | Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers

Email: emily.barabas@icann.org | Phone: +31 (0)6 84507976

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