Hi Martin

Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments.

On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions.

Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works.

Thank you

Donna

From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM
To: CSC-review@icann.org
Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report

Hi All,

On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section).

I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs.  I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words.

The result is attached:  it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted.

I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable!

Best

Martin