In the brochure, how about these changes below?

a. It says "http://www.naralog.org". Surely this is redundant. How about just "naralo.org"? At the very least, omit 'www'. In the Engage with ICANN section, see how it omits the 'http://' and 'www' before all those links. So how about doing the same with 'http://www.naralo.org'?

b. There is a title 'The At Large Organisational Structure'. Maybe omit 'The'. It is unnecessary. A shorter title stands out more. For example, another section is titled 'Local Contact Info', and not 'The Local Contact Info'. Another section is titled 'Message from the chair and ...' and not 'A message from the chair ...'

A leading definite or indefinite article can often be omitted in a title or header, at least in English.

c. It says 'Naralo signs it's S'. The trailing S is a typo. So is the apostrophe.

d. Also, that sentence has no full stop.

e. This sentence does not make sense. 'NARALO signed ... in 2017' ?? Past and future tenses? This is 2016. 2017 has not happened yet.

f. 'NARALO in its participation in regional activities.' Is this meant to be a header? It does not flow with the succeeding sentence. Perhaps it needs a line break and bold or larger font.

g. 'Because of the size of the region’s population, ' Why is there a blank line between this and the rest of the sentence?

h. 'with-in' should not have the hyphen

i. 'NARALO has a signed MOU with ARIN. American Registry Internet Numbers in 2014 . ' Perhaps this should be 'NARALO signed an MOU with ARIN (American Registry Internet Numbers) in 2014.'

j. 'in-dependent' should be 'independent'

Dr Wes Boudville

On Sun, Sep 11, 2016 at 9:38 AM, Louis Houle <louis.houle@oricom.ca> wrote:

I agree with Eduardo's comments.

The second version looks good!

Louis Houle President ISOC Quebec Louis.Houle@isoc.quebec
Le 2016-09-07 à 13:39, Eduardo Diaz a écrit :
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?

To have a brochure that has a longer life:

. Eliminate Glenn and Judith names and

. Have a general email like chair@naralo.com and secretary@naralo.com or whatever general email that can be set up so whoever is the current chair/secretary receives the mails.

. Eliminate the number 27 where is says NARALO has....

If we leave these things there as soon as we get an extra ALs, the brochure is obsolete, as soon as the chair/secretary changes, the brochure is obsolete.

The rest look good to me.

-ed

On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:24 PM Glenn McKnight <mcknight.glenn@gmail.com> wrote:

Here is the updated brochure

Glenn McKnight
mcknight.glenn@gmail.com
skype gmcknight
twitter gmcknight
.

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