Hi All,
I wanted to share a running stream of edits as I review the full document:

    - I like it. I think all the elements are there!

    - We need to consolidate in interesting ways.

    - We need a flow --- a rearranged order to lay out a very clear picture of our work, research and analysis for new and older readers

Specific ideas

  1. Too many Definitions. I brought “5) WHOIS PARTICIPANTS: Data Producers; Data Controllers; Data Processors” into the Policy chapter and put it in a table. Recommendation: this section from the Definitions.

  2. Remove Scope of Work, Section 7, as a section covering the same definitions above.

  3. Relocate the Consumer Study to a later chapter, complete with its definitions (please see below). It deserves a home all its own, not stuck at the bottom of the Scope of Work Chapter.

  4. Start a new page for every new chapter.

  5. After Policy Chapter, keep the Compliance Chapter (as compliance flows from Policy).

  6. After Policy Chapter, consider placing the IDN chapter. IDN issues are closely related to policy and compliance – it's an existing policy issue complicated by translations and transcription problems.

Then I would enter the “Study Part of the Report.” Is Existing Policy serving the Legitimate Needs of LE and promoting consumer trust? Here I would recommend:

  1. A Law Enforcement Chapter: with a write-up of Sharon's Law Enforcement study and its findings. Am I missing it within the text?

  2. Include in LE Chapter the sections of Peter's current Gap Analysis extensively discussing input from Law Enforcement.

  3. A Consumer Trust Chapter (following the order of the AOC, LE then CT), and include the full text of Lynn and Sharon's writeup right up including its Definitions.

Now the Gap Analysis Part of the Report

  1. Here Peter's Gap Analysis could flow. It already shows us how, based on all the above, we still have gaps, problems, concerns, etc.

      a. I like using the additional facts, discussions, Constituency thoughts, written comments, etc., to share insights and information. Could this be a bit more streamlined?

      b. Perhaps subtitles, some already there, can help readers track our gap analysis with the Recommendations that we wrote, e.g., proxy/privacy. Perhaps some Compliance and Policy Gap Analysis too (briefly to be inclusive).

Appendices:

Should my Methodology section hit the trash can?

Best and take care,
Kathy

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