Avri,

Thanks for this prompt update on our document post the CCWG Plenaries successful 1st reading, as you know I comments during the call I was happy with these proposed edits, so am noting here my support for them, and look forward to our report going into a 2nd reading of the Plenary as soon as practical.

On Sep 28, 2017 13:30, "avri doria" <avri@apc.org> wrote:

Hi,

During today's WS2 plenary meeting, the report passed its first reading
with a few comments.

The changes can be found in:

<https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vH5su7SDGE0i_rTstbYJ7tIaOFuRnV4dfqpwMTPoYa8/edit?usp=sharing>

2 pdf files are attached: one marked up and one clean.

_Change made_

- page 3  Roles and Responsibilities point 7.

Added two explicit instances of ",as appropriate"

- page 5  Recommendation 2

It was commented that point ii, was not a recommendation but an
explanation.  It was recommended that the explanation be removed.
Instead, the recommendation has been be subordinate to one of the
recommendation and no longer stands alone as a recommendation.

- page 6 Recommendation 3 change 1

Sentence reworked to replace informal with ad-hoc.  Not sure this is as
correct as informal. But not sure that it makes a difference.

- page 6 Recommendation 3 change 2

We were asked to add example conditions of when discussions could be
confidential instead of transparent. Since the Transparency subgroup
developed answers for the SOAC accountability subgroup to the same
issue, the SOAC text was copied to this report.  A footnote was added to
say that the various example listings should remain consistent once the
entire WS2 book was built.

- page 6 Recommendation 4a.

The consensus was that it should remain service level guideline instead
of service level agreements.

_Consensus Call  for 2nd plenary reading submission
_

Until 30 September 2359 UTC
__

If anyone has any objections or strong recommendations for ways to
change the edits being made in response__to the 1st reading comments
please contribute specific changes on the list.  If we change the file
in a substantive way during this last call based on comments, I will
restart the last call for another 48 hours after the change is
published.  Minor fixes will just be made without restarting the clock.

Note: at this point substantive changes to the report or its content are
discouraged as they would require another 1st plenary reading and would
probably mean that we would not finish in time.
__

thanks

avri



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