Hi Bart, All, As requested on yesterday’s call, I have gone through the report and, in the attached, I make some suggestions for text revisions. There are a couple of places where my interpretation of what the commentator is saying is not in line with Bart’s! Otherwise, I have tried to simplify the text (and it could be further simplified – I do not think that this sort of report needs to go into details or examples). I thought that Bart was going to send out a revised version of this text, but I have not seen anything. Given that I had not seen this until it was resent during the meeting, I suspect this is a problem of the mail system, but I hope that these comments are still useful for any updated version. Please remind me: were we tasked with looking at editorial work on our report and the proposed charter before our next call? Best Martin From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> On Behalf Of Bart Boswinkel Sent: 06 June 2018 19:10 To: CSC-review@icann.org Subject: [CSC-Review] FW: Closure Public comment period Initial report Follow @ccNSO on Twitter: <https://twitter.com/ccNSO> https://twitter.com/ccNSO Follow the ccNSO on Facebook: <https://www.facebook.com/ccnso/> https://www.facebook.com/ccnso/ <http://ccnso.icann.org/> http://ccnso.icann.org -- From: Bart Boswinkel <bart.boswinkel@icann.org <mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org> > Date: Tuesday 5 June 2018 at 12:40 To: "CSC-review@icann.org" <CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> > Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] Closure Public comment period Initial report Dear all, The 4 additional comments have now bene included as well in the summary document/overview. On the face of it, none is controversial Kind regards, Bart From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org <mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org> > on behalf of Bart Boswinkel <bart.boswinkel@icann.org <mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org> > Date: Monday 4 June 2018 at 21:00 To: "CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> " <CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> > Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] Closure Public comment period Initial report Dear all, I was too early in crying victory: you did receive 4 additional comments☺ Kind regards, Bart From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org <mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org> > on behalf of Bart Boswinkel <bart.boswinkel@icann.org <mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org> > Date: Monday 4 June 2018 at 17:47 To: "CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> " <CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> > Subject: [CSC-Review] Closure Public comment period Initial report Dear all, The Public comment period on the Initial report closed 1 June at 23.59 UTC. Two comments were received, 1 from the CSC and 1 from the RySG. In general both were supportive of the findings, recommendations and proposed changes to the Charter. In addition the CSC proposes a small clarification to the text of the findings regarding the Remedial Action Procedures. Included you’ll find the staff summary, which I’ll have posted tomorrow ( Tuesday). In preparation of the call on Wednesday, I’ll propose some (minimal) changes in the clean version of the Initial report and share this with you in the course of tomorrow and for discussion on Wednesday, Kind regards, Bart