From: Bart Boswinkel [mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org] Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2018 4:45 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com> Cc: CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Donna, all, Currently the table of contents reads: Table of Contents Executive Summary 2 1. Background & Introduction 2 1. Purpose of review & Scope 3 1. Process, Timetable and Background material 3 1. Findings with respect to the Charter 4 1. Observations which are out of immediate scope of the Charter Review 6 1. Proposed changes to the CSC Charter 8 Annex A – Proposed updated Charter CSC version 1, February 2018. 17 Annex B- Terms of Reference CSC Charter Review 24 May I suggest that section 6 is renamed Proposed updated charter CSC, and Annex A- Comparison Current and Proposed charter. Please let me know if you agree/disagree DA: I assume this will be a clean version of the Charter with the amendments, so can we just say: Proposed CSC Charter? And then the Annex A as you suggest. Also note that latest version of the charter circulated on the list (draft version 03 April) still includes two highlighted paragraphs ( see Donna’s email with subject line: most recent version of the amended charter). Please confirm the concerns/questions have been addressed. DA: Remove the comments from the doc please Bart. I think my questions have been addressed. Based on your feed-back I’ll consolidate the version and circualte the full report once more for you frinal sign-off, which will then be posted on your web-page and be the basis for opening the puvblic comment forum ( preferably tomorrow, otherwise Monday) Thank you and kind regards, Bart From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org<mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org>> on behalf of "Austin, Donna via CSC-Review" <CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org>> Reply-To: "Austin, Donna" <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>> Date: Thursday 5 April 2018 at 00:39 To: Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com<mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com>> Cc: "CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org>" <CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org>> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Elaine This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter. I’ll go back and check the report. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>> Cc: Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com<mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>>; CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO.” IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct? The proposed new language in the charter: Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above. Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review <csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org>> wrote: Thanks Martin All, I think the attached is our final report for posting. From: Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com<mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>>; CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org<mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org>> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com<mailto:hm.boyle@icloud.com>>; csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin _______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-Review@icann.org> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review<https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__mm.icann.org_mailman_listinfo_csc-2Dreview&d=DwMFaQ&c=MOptNlVtIETeDALC_lULrw&r=CwipU91YB6EkpFXK9ynnT_QUef4yC5p7jpsDm8cU97g&m=ejy4hOB8QpyHCh1GL0FMXcWLFw3CJ-NsDl5bwh7gj_g&s=BOneIcqVKW8vZdAsNIkvyMLnNIBOtSTxIVUL54pWb2M&e=>