Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com>; csc-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I've accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I've responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I've also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven't over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I'm not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin

Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “*The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO*.” *IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct?* *The proposed new language in the charter:* * Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers.* *Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above.* Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review < csc-review@icann.org> wrote:

Thanks Martin

All, I think the attached is our final report for posting.

*From:* Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com] *Sent:* Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM *To:* Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc.

*From:* CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> *On Behalf Of *Austin, Donna via CSC-Review *Sent:* 02 April 2018 23:57 *To:* H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com>; csc-review@icann.org *Subject:* Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Hi Martin

Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments.

On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions.

Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works.

Thank you

Donna

*From:* CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org <csc-review-bounces@icann.org>] *On Behalf Of *Martin Boyle via CSC-Review *Sent:* Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM *To:* CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report

Hi All,

On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section).

I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words.

The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted.

I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable!

Best

Martin

_______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review

Elaine This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter. I’ll go back and check the report. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Cc: Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>; CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO.” IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct? The proposed new language in the charter: Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above. Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review <csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org>> wrote: Thanks Martin All, I think the attached is our final report for posting. From: Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com<mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>>; CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org<mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org>> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com<mailto:hm.boyle@icloud.com>>; csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin _______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-Review@icann.org> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review<https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__mm.icann.org_mailman_listinfo_csc-2Dreview&d=DwMFaQ&c=MOptNlVtIETeDALC_lULrw&r=CwipU91YB6EkpFXK9ynnT_QUef4yC5p7jpsDm8cU97g&m=ejy4hOB8QpyHCh1GL0FMXcWLFw3CJ-NsDl5bwh7gj_g&s=BOneIcqVKW8vZdAsNIkvyMLnNIBOtSTxIVUL54pWb2M&e=>

Hi Elaine I may have jumped the gun a little on Bart’s questions about the Charter, so it would be good if you could confirm that the current version of the Charter is okay from your perspective that would be great. If it’s not, please make the necessary changes to the Charter. The language we use in the Charter is a little different from that proposed by you and Bart, but I don’t believe the meaning has changed. The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level/s. The CSC, in consultation with the IANA Functions Operator, will develop procedures for changing service level/s including the removal of existing service levels or the inclusion of new service levels. These procedures will be commensurate with the type of the service level change being proposed. Informing the registry operators about proposed changes shall always be required; however, the type of service level change will determine whether it is necessary to conduct a community-wide consultation. The procedures may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 5:49 PM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Cc: Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>; CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thanks Donna So we would absolutely inform the ccNSO and RySG (as the direct customers) but what I'm trying to avoid is having to get the ccNSO and GNSO to "approve" all changes, especially the minor ones. Where the proposed changes are minor.........and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. The CSC members are appointed by those parents, we represent their interests, and there are 4 of us. Any attempt to put a crazy SLA change into place would result in lots of discussion, and a member can be recalled if necessary. Hope that helps clarify the concern. Elaine On Wed, Apr 4, 2018 at 3:38 PM, Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>> wrote: Elaine This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter. I’ll go back and check the report. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com<mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com>] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>> Cc: Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com<mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>>; CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO.” IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct? The proposed new language in the charter: Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above. Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review <csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org>> wrote: Thanks Martin All, I think the attached is our final report for posting. From: Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com<mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar<mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar>>; CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org<mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org>> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com<mailto:hm.boyle@icloud.com>>; csc-review@icann.org<mailto:csc-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin _______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org<mailto:CSC-Review@icann.org> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review<https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__mm.icann.org_mailman_listinfo_csc-2Dreview&d=DwMFaQ&c=MOptNlVtIETeDALC_lULrw&r=CwipU91YB6EkpFXK9ynnT_QUef4yC5p7jpsDm8cU97g&m=ejy4hOB8QpyHCh1GL0FMXcWLFw3CJ-NsDl5bwh7gj_g&s=BOneIcqVKW8vZdAsNIkvyMLnNIBOtSTxIVUL54pWb2M&e=>

Donna, all, Currently the table of contents reads: Table of Contents Executive Summary                                                                                2 Background & Introduction                                                              2 Purpose of review & Scope                                                               3 Process, Timetable and Background material                                 3 Findings with respect to the Charter                                                4 Observations which are out of immediate scope of the Charter Review                                                                        6 Proposed changes to the CSC Charter                                              8 Annex A – Proposed updated Charter CSC version 1, February 2018. 17 Annex B-  Terms of Reference CSC Charter Review                                           24 May I suggest that section 6 is renamed Proposed updated charter CSC, and Annex A- Comparison Current and Proposed charter. Please let me know if you agree/disagree Also note that latest version of the charter circulated on the list (draft version 03 April) still includes two highlighted paragraphs ( see Donna’s email with subject line: most recent version of the amended charter). Please confirm the concerns/questions have been addressed. Based on your feed-back I’ll consolidate the version and circualte the full report once more for you frinal sign-off, which will then be posted on your web-page and be the basis for opening the puvblic comment forum ( preferably tomorrow, otherwise Monday) Thank you and kind regards, Bart From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> on behalf of "Austin, Donna via CSC-Review" <CSC-review@icann.org> Reply-To: "Austin, Donna" <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Date: Thursday 5 April 2018 at 00:39 To: Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com> Cc: "CSC-review@icann.org" <CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Elaine This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter. I’ll go back and check the report. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Cc: Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>; CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO.” IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct? The proposed new language in the charter: Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above. Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review <csc-review@icann.org> wrote: Thanks Martin All, I think the attached is our final report for posting. From: Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; CSC-review@icann.org Subject: RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com>; csc-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin _______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review

All, Bart’s suggestion – that we provide a clean text and a mark-up of the charter – makes sense to me. Not sure about including the charter in the report proper, rather than as an annex, but I can go with the majority. Martin From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 05 April 2018 17:18 To: Bart Boswinkel <bart.boswinkel@icann.org>; Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com> Cc: CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report From: Bart Boswinkel [mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org] Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2018 4:45 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar <mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar> >; Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com <mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com> > Cc: CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Donna, all, Currently the table of contents reads: Table of Contents Executive Summary 2 1. Background & Introduction 2 2. Purpose of review & Scope 3 3. Process, Timetable and Background material 3 4. Findings with respect to the Charter 4 5. Observations which are out of immediate scope of the Charter Review 6 6. Proposed changes to the CSC Charter 8 Annex A – Proposed updated Charter CSC version 1, February 2018. 17 Annex B- Terms of Reference CSC Charter Review 24 May I suggest that section 6 is renamed Proposed updated charter CSC, and Annex A- Comparison Current and Proposed charter. Please let me know if you agree/disagree DA: I assume this will be a clean version of the Charter with the amendments, so can we just say: Proposed CSC Charter? And then the Annex A as you suggest. Also note that latest version of the charter circulated on the list (draft version 03 April) still includes two highlighted paragraphs ( see Donna’s email with subject line: most recent version of the amended charter). Please confirm the concerns/questions have been addressed. DA: Remove the comments from the doc please Bart. I think my questions have been addressed. Based on your feed-back I’ll consolidate the version and circualte the full report once more for you frinal sign-off, which will then be posted on your web-page and be the basis for opening the puvblic comment forum ( preferably tomorrow, otherwise Monday) Thank you and kind regards, Bart From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org <mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org> > on behalf of "Austin, Donna via CSC-Review" <CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> > Reply-To: "Austin, Donna" <Donna.Austin@team.neustar <mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar> > Date: Thursday 5 April 2018 at 00:39 To: Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com <mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com> > Cc: "CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> " <CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> > Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Elaine This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter. I’ll go back and check the report. Thanks Donna From: Elaine Pruis [ <mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com> mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com] Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM To: Austin, Donna < <mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Donna.Austin@team.neustar> Cc: Martin Boyle < <mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com> martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>; <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> CSC-review@icann.org Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Thank you Donna This report looks fantastic! There's just one thing.... This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO." should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused). As you stated in your April 2 email, The text from the Review section: “The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO.” IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct? The proposed new language in the charter: Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers. Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above. Elaine On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review <csc-review@icann.org <mailto:csc-review@icann.org> > wrote: Thanks Martin All, I think the attached is our final report for posting. From: Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com <mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com> ] Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM To: Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar <mailto:Donna.Austin@team.neustar> >; CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc. From: CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org <mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org> > On Behalf Of Austin, Donna via CSC-Review Sent: 02 April 2018 23:57 To: H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com <mailto:hm.boyle@icloud.com> >; csc-review@icann.org <mailto:csc-review@icann.org> Subject: Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report Hi Martin Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments. On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions. Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works. Thank you Donna From: CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Martin Boyle via CSC-Review Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM To: CSC-review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-review@icann.org> Subject: [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report Hi All, On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section). I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words. The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted. I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable! Best Martin _______________________________________________ CSC-Review mailing list CSC-Review@icann.org <mailto:CSC-Review@icann.org> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/csc-review <https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__mm.icann.org_mailman_li...>

Donna I agree with your approach. Asking the commenters to read the report along with the charter would be good, since they're not going to be one document. And the report explains the reasoning behind the proposed changes. Elaine On Fri, Apr 6, 2018 at 9:57 AM, Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> wrote:

Martin, I’m not sure I understand what you mean by: Not sure about including the charter in the report proper, rather than as an annex, but I can go with the majority.

Would be good if you could clarify.

All:

We should think about how we want to portray our effort on the public comment page in terms of the purpose, which I think is as simple as:

The public comment process seeks community input on proposed amendments to the CSC Charter. The proposed amendments are the result of consultations undertaken by a CSC Charter Review Team that included the CSC, PTI, registry operators and the community.

The Amended Charter should be a standalone document on the public comment page, in addition to our Report with the Amended Charter, the Original Charter, and a compare of the two + the other annexes.

*From:* Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com] *Sent:* Thursday, April 05, 2018 2:56 PM *To:* Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; 'Bart Boswinkel' < bart.boswinkel@icann.org>; 'Elaine Pruis' <elainepruis@gmail.com>; CSC-review@icann.org

*Subject:* RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

All,

Bart’s suggestion – that we provide a clean text and a mark-up of the charter – makes sense to me. Not sure about including the charter in the report proper, rather than as an annex, but I can go with the majority.

Martin

*From:* CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> *On Behalf Of *Austin, Donna via CSC-Review *Sent:* 05 April 2018 17:18 *To:* Bart Boswinkel <bart.boswinkel@icann.org>; Elaine Pruis < elainepruis@gmail.com> *Cc:* CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

*From:* Bart Boswinkel [mailto:bart.boswinkel@icann.org <bart.boswinkel@icann.org>] *Sent:* Thursday, April 05, 2018 4:45 AM *To:* Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; Elaine Pruis < elainepruis@gmail.com> *Cc:* CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Donna, all,

Currently the table of contents reads:

*Table of Contents*

*Executive Summary * 2

1. *Background & Introduction * 2

1. *Purpose of review & Scope * 3

1. *Process, Timetable and Background material * 3

1. *Findings with respect to the Charter * 4

1. *Observations which are out of immediate *

*scope of the Charter Review * 6

1. *Proposed changes to the CSC Charter * 8

*Annex A – Proposed updated Charter CSC version 1, February 2018. *17

*Annex B- Terms of Reference CSC Charter Review *24

May I suggest that section 6 is renamed Proposed updated charter CSC, and Annex A- Comparison Current and Proposed charter.

Please let me know if you agree/disagree

DA: I assume this will be a clean version of the Charter with the amendments, so can we just say: Proposed CSC Charter? And then the Annex A as you suggest.

Also note that latest version of the charter circulated on the list (draft version 03 April) still includes two highlighted paragraphs ( see Donna’s email with subject line: most recent version of the amended charter). Please confirm the concerns/questions have been addressed.

DA: Remove the comments from the doc please Bart. I think my questions have been addressed.

Based on your feed-back I’ll consolidate the version and circualte the full report once more for you frinal sign-off, which will then be posted on your web-page and be the basis for opening the puvblic comment forum

( preferably tomorrow, otherwise Monday)

Thank you and kind regards,

Bart

*From: *CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> on behalf of "Austin, Donna via CSC-Review" <CSC-review@icann.org> *Reply-To: *"Austin, Donna" <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> *Date: *Thursday 5 April 2018 at 00:39 *To: *Elaine Pruis <elainepruis@gmail.com> *Cc: *"CSC-review@icann.org" <CSC-review@icann.org> *Subject: *Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Elaine

This is the most recent version of the Amended Charter.

I’ll go back and check the report.

Thanks

Donna

*From:* Elaine Pruis [mailto:elainepruis@gmail.com <elainepruis@gmail.com>]

*Sent:* Wednesday, April 04, 2018 2:44 PM *To:* Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar> *Cc:* Martin Boyle <martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com>; CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Thank you Donna

This report looks fantastic!

There's just one thing....

This line in the Report: 4.3.10 "Should there be any proposed changes to service levels through the simplified process, these

must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO."

should be removed as it is no longer correct (unless I'm very confused).

As you stated in your April 2 email,

The text from the Review section: “*The CSC or the IANA Functions Operator can request a review or change to service level targets. Any proposed changes to service level targets as a result of the review must be agreed to by the ccNSO and GNSO*.” *IS TO BE REMOVED. Is that correct?*

*The proposed new language in the charter:*

* Where the proposed changes are minor, for example a minor change to a target/threshold, a full community consultation would not be required. The processes for amendments of the service level may be updated from time to time, and will only become effective after publication of the process on the CSC webpage, and after informing the ccNSO Council and RySG, the direct customers.*

*Bart, is there an updated version of the charter that reflects this language, the most recent one I have is from 3/26 which doesn't reflect the changes above.*

Elaine

On Tue, Apr 3, 2018 at 8:32 AM, Austin, Donna via CSC-Review < csc-review@icann.org> wrote:

Thanks Martin

All, I think the attached is our final report for posting.

*From:* Martin Boyle [mailto:martin.boyle.hertford@ntlworld.com] *Sent:* Tuesday, April 03, 2018 3:43 AM *To:* Austin, Donna <Donna.Austin@team.neustar>; CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* RE: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Comments on comments and a few corrections in one of the paragraphs as spaces had disappeared etc.

*From:* CSC-Review <csc-review-bounces@icann.org> *On Behalf Of *Austin, Donna via CSC-Review *Sent:* 02 April 2018 23:57 *To:* H M Boyle <hm.boyle@icloud.com>; csc-review@icann.org *Subject:* Re: [CSC-Review] [EXTERNAL] Review of the Report

Hi Martin

Thanks for your review. I’ve accepted most of your comments.

On the 20180402 version, which is basically the clean version, I’ve responded to some of your questions.

Elaine, can you please review Sections 4.3.10 and 4.3.11 to make sure that the language works.

Thank you

Donna

*From:* CSC-Review [mailto:csc-review-bounces@icann.org <csc-review-bounces@icann.org>] *On Behalf Of *Martin Boyle via CSC-Review *Sent:* Wednesday, March 28, 2018 3:54 AM *To:* CSC-review@icann.org *Subject:* [EXTERNAL] [CSC-Review] Review of the Report

Hi All,

On the call on Monday, I promised to provide some tidying up on the draft report (and Keith would then use this document as he reviewed the Charter amendments section).

I have tried to eliminate inconsistencies (I think there are still some in the use of PTI and IFO), simplify the language and break the text into shorter, more manageable paragraphs. I’ve also tried to cut out some of the repetition (I hope that I haven’t over-cut) and remove redundant words.

The result is attached: it is based on the v7 amended by Donna in her e-mail last Friday with her comments all accepted.

I’m not precious about the exact wording, but I hope that I have made the text a little more readable!

Best

Martin

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