I took one more stab at this — v10 attached and uploaded. There was some new text in v09(jha) about how people should feel free to comment to us about transparency, completeness, etc. I think that is true as a general matter, but that is not what we are asking for specifically in this RFP. That is what we will ask for — from anyone who cares to answer — after we have the proposal components submitted (by December :)). So I removed that text. I also found the new first paragraph quite confusing — it said we are issuing this RFP “for consideration” by all parties, which makes it sound like we’re asking people to comment on the RFP itself, rather than submit proposals. So, I did some editing on the first two paragraphs, and also tried to work in the good suggestion from Manal that we re-emphasize that we will direct comments to the operational communities where we can. Here is how the first two paragraphs read now: "The IANA Stewardship Transition Coordination Group (ICG) is seeking complete formal responses to this Request for Proposals (RFP) from the “operational communities” of IANA (i.e., those with direct operational or service relationships with IANA; namely names, numbers, protocol parameters). Other interested and affected parties are strongly encouraged to provide their inputs through open processes run by these operational communities. Other parties may provide comments to the ICG on particular aspects that may be covered by proposals that may be of significant interest to them, for review by the ICG as time and resources permit. The ICG will direct comments received from other parties to the relevant operational communities as appropriate. During the development of their proposals, the operational communities are expected to consult and work with other affected parties; likewise, other affected parties are strongly encouraged to participate in community processes, as the ICG is requiring proposals that have consensus support from a broad range of stakeholder groups.” In section 0, I edited “change” to “address” in "Identify which category of the IANA functions this submission proposes to change” since some communities might propose no changes. In section 4 I still think there are three bullet points that need elaboration, of just one sentence each, because they are not clear on their face: ·Continuity of service requirements ·Risks ·Service integration aspects For example, “Risks” seems so vague that each community could write a novel about them and not be complete. What are we really looking for here? Thanks, Alissa On 8/19/14, 8:50 AM, "joseph alhadeff" <joseph.alhadeff@oracle.com> wrote:
I have uploaded v9(jha) with a few suggested edits to further clarify the operational vs impacted communities comment process... Also a question of whether testing should be limited to Section III - are those the only changes contemplated that could impact stability and functionality?
I think we are getting pretty close to a final draft...
Joe On 8/19/2014 11:05 AM, Milton L Mueller wrote:
Paul: Done. It is uploaded as docx as version 09. Also proposed some minor clarity changes to the preamble and added a comment responding to Martin's nervousness. We can't have Martin being nervous.
Milton L Mueller Laura J and L. Douglas Meredith Professor Syracuse University School of Information Studies http://faculty.ischool.syr.edu/mueller/
-----Original Message----- From: internal-cg-bounces@icann.org [mailto:internal-cg- bounces@icann.org] On Behalf Of Paul Wilson Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2014 10:05 AM To: ICG Subject: Re: [Internal-cg] Further RFP revision
Milton, thanks for your comments on the "section 0" part. this adds some needed clarity about the whole orientation of this process.
If you can, please make further edits to the version 8 document linked below.
Paul.
On 19 Aug 2014, at 9:30 pm, Paul Wilson <pwilson@apnic.net> wrote:
Apologies for the delay, a new RFP revision is now online:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/4d2izh5jobgyu48/IANA%20Transition%20RFP% 20v08.docx
Paul
On 19 Aug 2014, at 8:52 pm, Paul Wilson <pwilson@apnic.net> wrote:
Dear all,
I am in the process of reconciling all inputs on the latest RFP document,
and will have a clean version available in Dropbox shortly.
My intention is to go run this document sequentially during tonight's meeting, seeking ICG members' views and suggestions. Thanks,
Paul.
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