Here is the updated brochure Glenn McKnight mcknight.glenn@gmail.com skype gmcknight twitter gmcknight .
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red? To have a brochure that has a longer life: . Eliminate Glenn and Judith names and . Have a general email like chair@naralo.com and secretary@naralo.com or whatever general email that can be set up so whoever is the current chair/secretary receives the mails. . Eliminate the number 27 where is says NARALO has.... If we leave these things there as soon as we get an extra ALs, the brochure is obsolete, as soon as the chair/secretary changes, the brochure is obsolete. The rest look good to me. -ed On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:24 PM Glenn McKnight <mcknight.glenn@gmail.com> wrote:
Here is the updated brochure
Glenn McKnight mcknight.glenn@gmail.com skype gmcknight twitter gmcknight . ------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
I agree with Eduardo's comments. The second version looks good! Louis Houle President ISOC Quebec Louis.Houle@isoc.quebec Le 2016-09-07 à 13:39, Eduardo Diaz a écrit :
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?
To have a brochure that has a longer life:
. Eliminate Glenn and Judith names and . Have a general email like chair@naralo.com <mailto:chair@naralo.com> and secretary@naralo.com <mailto:secretary@naralo.com> or whatever general email that can be set up so whoever is the current chair/secretary receives the mails. . Eliminate the number 27 where is says NARALO has....
If we leave these things there as soon as we get an extra ALs, the brochure is obsolete, as soon as the chair/secretary changes, the brochure is obsolete.
The rest look good to me.
-ed
On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:24 PM Glenn McKnight <mcknight.glenn@gmail.com <mailto:mcknight.glenn@gmail.com>> wrote:
Here is the updated brochure
Glenn McKnight mcknight.glenn@gmail.com <mailto:mcknight.glenn@gmail.com> skype gmcknight twitter gmcknight . ------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org <mailto:NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org> https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
In the brochure, how about these changes below? a. It says "http://www.naralog.org". Surely this is redundant. How about just "naralo.org"? At the very least, omit 'www'. In the Engage with ICANN section, see how it omits the 'http://' and 'www' before all those links. So how about doing the same with 'http://www.naralo.org'? b. There is a title 'The At Large Organisational Structure'. Maybe omit 'The'. It is unnecessary. A shorter title stands out more. For example, another section is titled 'Local Contact Info', and not 'The Local Contact Info'. Another section is titled 'Message from the chair and ...' and not 'A message from the chair ...' A leading definite or indefinite article can often be omitted in a title or header, at least in English. c. It says 'Naralo signs it's S'. The trailing S is a typo. So is the apostrophe. d. Also, that sentence has no full stop. e. This sentence does not make sense. 'NARALO signed ... in 2017' ?? Past and future tenses? This is 2016. 2017 has not happened yet. f. 'NARALO in its participation in regional activities.' Is this meant to be a header? It does not flow with the succeeding sentence. Perhaps it needs a line break and bold or larger font. g. 'Because of the size of the region’s population, ' Why is there a blank line between this and the rest of the sentence? h. 'with-in' should not have the hyphen i. 'NARALO has a signed MOU with ARIN. American Registry Internet Numbers in 2014 . ' Perhaps this should be 'NARALO signed an MOU with ARIN (American Registry Internet Numbers) in 2014.' j. 'in-dependent' should be 'independent' Dr Wes Boudville On Sun, Sep 11, 2016 at 9:38 AM, Louis Houle <louis.houle@oricom.ca> wrote:
I agree with Eduardo's comments.
The second version looks good!
Louis Houle President ISOC QuebecLouis.Houle@isoc.quebec
Le 2016-09-07 à 13:39, Eduardo Diaz a écrit :
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?
To have a brochure that has a longer life:
. Eliminate Glenn and Judith names and . Have a general email like chair@naralo.com and secretary@naralo.com or whatever general email that can be set up so whoever is the current chair/secretary receives the mails. . Eliminate the number 27 where is says NARALO has....
If we leave these things there as soon as we get an extra ALs, the brochure is obsolete, as soon as the chair/secretary changes, the brochure is obsolete.
The rest look good to me.
-ed
On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:24 PM Glenn McKnight <mcknight.glenn@gmail.com> wrote:
Here is the updated brochure
Glenn McKnight mcknight.glenn@gmail.com skype gmcknight twitter gmcknight . ------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
------ NA-Discuss mailing listNA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.orghttps://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:39 PM, Eduardo Diaz <eduardodiazrivera@gmail.com> wrote:
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?
I don't have a problem with this. Looks good. I also don't have a problem with formal full url on the front page, it shows we are old school. j -- --------------------------------------------------------------- Joly MacFie 218 565 9365 Skype:punkcast ISOC-NY - http://isoc-ny.org ---------------------------------------------------------------
The writing of an explicit www is bad practice. It is inconsistent with the multiple other links in the document that discard the www. But more than that - the document was sloppily written. I pointed out several outright typos. No one else amongst the recipients apparently scrutinised the document. The typos were straightforward to detect. wes On Sun, Sep 11, 2016 at 8:08 PM, Internet Society - NY Chapter < admin@isoc-ny.org> wrote:
On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:39 PM, Eduardo Diaz <eduardodiazrivera@gmail.com> wrote:
I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?
I don't have a problem with this. Looks good.
I also don't have a problem with formal full url on the front page, it shows we are old school.
j
-- --------------------------------------------------------------- Joly MacFie 218 565 9365 Skype:punkcast
ISOC-NY - http://isoc-ny.org ---------------------------------------------------------------
------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
Hi Wes, Thanks for your suggestions. I am unsure which version of the brochure you looked at but some of the earlier versions were full of typos and sentences that were not correct. Myself and others have corrected all the typos. The third version sent out has all the corrections. Glenn was looking for some early feedback on the brochure before we sent it to comms. The main problem Glenn was dealing with was that he was using a template that was made for another ralo and that is why the colors were off. Also that is why some corrections could not be made but noted. The latest version is up on the website. Glenn mentioned this in his note,but perhaps you missed it. Best, Judith Sent from my iPad Judith@jhellerstein.com Skype ID: judithhellerstein
On Sep 12, 2016, at 2:58 AM, Wes Boudville <wesboudville@gmail.com> wrote:
The writing of an explicit www is bad practice. It is inconsistent with the multiple other links in the document that discard the www.
But more than that - the document was sloppily written. I pointed out several outright typos. No one else amongst the recipients apparently scrutinised the document. The typos were straightforward to detect.
wes
On Sun, Sep 11, 2016 at 8:08 PM, Internet Society - NY Chapter <admin@isoc-ny.org> wrote:
On Wed, Sep 7, 2016 at 1:39 PM, Eduardo Diaz <eduardodiazrivera@gmail.com> wrote: I believe the NARALO color is yellow - why red?
I don't have a problem with this. Looks good.
I also don't have a problem with formal full url on the front page, it shows we are old school.
j
-- --------------------------------------------------------------- Joly MacFie 218 565 9365 Skype:punkcast
ISOC-NY - http://isoc-ny.org ---------------------------------------------------------------
------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
------ NA-Discuss mailing list NA-Discuss@atlarge-lists.icann.org https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/na-discuss
Visit the NARALO online at http://www.naralo.org ------
participants (6)
-
Eduardo Diaz -
Glenn McKnight -
Internet Society - NY Chapter -
Judith Hellerstein -
Louis Houle -
Wes Boudville