On Fri, Aug 24, 2018 at 07:36:48PM +0000, Weissinger, Laurin wrote:
Dear all,
Please see attached the updated draft for review and comment.
With many thanks and best wishes Laurin
<pedantic> folks, wrt the citations i pleaded for on what's now page 3 of the document, i have one minor and one major comment. (1) minor: we don't need four footnotes if the definitionss are all from the same place, we can just footnote above the list after the word "definitions", which i think is cleaner. (2) major: this choice of source for these defintions is causing me some heartburn. who wrote them? when? based on what community ratification process? how would i even navigate to this URL on ICANN's web site? it appears that these definitions emerged from icann's response to SSR1's Recommendation (1) and (3), which makes it more important to be explicit about the trajectory of their development. but when i go to https://community.icann.org/display/SSR/SSR1+Review+Implementation+Home and download the pdf of slides so i can click through the links, for Recommendation (1) the "Project Status" says: Public comment was taken on a draft statement between May-Sept 2012; [https://www.icann.org/resources/pages/draft-ssr-role-remit-2012-05-17-en] it was subsequently revised in Oct 2012. [ http://toronto45.icann.org/meetings/toronto2012/presentation-draft-ssr-role-...] The updated statement (URL we currently footnote) was published on ICANNs website and incorporated in the FY 14 SSR Framework https://www.icann.org/en/about/staff/security/ssr/ssr-plan-fy14-06mar13-en.p... and is part of SSR SOP in which SSR Framework and statement is periodically reviewed and updated as needed. This statement also has been incorporated into other ICANN documentation. but i do not see where on the ICANN web site this history is explained, just in this slide deck sent to SSR2. i do not see any description of the process by which community consensus was reached. the "updated statement" is significantly different from the October 2012 revision, but there is no explanation for how ICANN got from the October 2012 version (after public comment) to the one-we-cite-that-doesn't-even-have-a-date. i would rather suggest replacement text or URL than just critique what's there now, but i do not know the history here, so it's not clear to me what to suggest. e.g., why not this one: https://www.icann.org/en/system/files/files/ssr-plan-fy14-06mar13-en.pdf or this one: https://www.icann.org/icann-acronyms-and-terms/en/nav/S ? really not trying to be difficult here.. k